A job I'd love to have.

Now considering my inclination towards traditional working environment at work or at school I simply won't be getting a job which would be productive in any manner. So there are very few jobs left for me as such. Lets have a list of what they might be and discuss why they are in the list at all.
The list:
1. C.E.O. :- Yes I can be a traditional CEO because essentially he doesn't do anything besides barking into his subordinates things he need not bark into their ears because most of them already know their job well unless of course that person was hired by the CEO himself. And you can wear whatever you want to wear to work when your a CEO because you are a CEO and if you decide to wear anything but a boring pinstriped suit to work as a CEO you will be seen as a modern and fun CEO even if you continue to bark into people's ears.
2. Humor Columnist :- Now I choose this not because I'm good with English or any particular language for that matter. I'm quite sure there are better people out there than me at language simply because I'm a dyslexic and I'm not making that up to hide my lethargy. The real reason why I want to be a humor columnist is because I can behave as cracked as I want to and still not lose my job and second most importantly I can't spell columnist properly unless assisted by a computer.
3. Major share holder in a private M.N.C. :- Yeah now this is the best job probably cause 1st of all you can hire a CEO to bark into your employee's ears. Make a lot of profit. Spend that money on charity in front of the media, spend the rest of your money on a yacht in French Riviera. And be photographed on the front page of Business Today. Now even this could be my calling so I'm off for a good life.
4. Well I forgot what the 4th job I had thought off.
5. And never mind the 5th one either.

Yup. So that's the type of jobs I'd like to have. Specially the third one. Because that way I can also be the rest of the 1st two and not be told off for doing a bad job. If anyones reading this who can get me any of these jobs I'd really appreciate their ability to take risks and hire me. Thank You.